Me and my neighbor Natalie
Both 8 years old
On a Tuesday night
A school night
Going to six flags after dinner
With my manic father
Who told our mothers
We were running up to Baskin Robbins

I remember the feeling of pressure on my hips
Three of us squeezed side by side
In the mini mine train
Laughing as we were swung hard
Right and left, up and down
But I knew something wasn't right

I had to learn to live
With that feeling
With the unpredictable
The daily relativity
Unsure when the next fight would be
Screaming drunk father
Heard from my dark bedroom
Crying mother
The next morning
Pancakes and smiles all around

The confusion hurt
Not like a stubbed toe
Or a toddler’s bite
It hurt like a lump stuck in your throat
Like warm ice,
Hard and melting slowly

It did liberate me
The living without solid walls
Without steady truths
But only after years
Of flying through other people's boundaries
What i took for confusion was a precious gift.