Sure as my eyes are brown
I’ve been moving toward something
I can feel that I’m moving toward it
Closer, but not ready
Not yet
There is stillness in the knowing
While my life whirls around me
I’m waiting, lots of waiting
A sudden awkward doubt
Shivers in
Making me look up and around
And I wonder if this waiting
Is really just stalling
I wonder if this is how easy it is
A whole life could slip by
Without doing what you came to do
But as I sit here
Perfectly relaxed after walking for an hour
In this heat
I know in my bones
That it’s not yet time

The training and testing are often brutal:
(I wanted to leave my family in the airport last week after the two almost-grown daughters fell into a flux of provocation and retaliation)
(I attended a funeral last month where I sobbed heavily for maybe one minute into my sister–in-law's neck, it felt like an eternity, like a visit to a timeless place, like diving into a deep swimming hole, the time it takes to dive down, touch the bottom, and come back up for air, that's how long I cried, and it was forever)

Getting closer and closer
I practice saying what's true for me
What I've really done and felt, and learned
Without fear of fraud or joke
Safe in the anonymity of being one and many
Whole.